Brutally Honest

If i'm being honest, I still find myself carrying past trauma and I still have my wall up towards certain people. It's been a long time coming but for a while, I wasn't aware of who I wanted to be. I mean, I'd have an idea but then I would change my mind the next day or week.

I'd go from "I want to forgive, let go, and heal. I want to genuinely see people for who they are not for what mistakes they've made. We're all just learning" to "No, f*uck that b*tch. He/She doesn't deserve my friendship / love. They did me so wrong so I'm going to do them wrong, too!" .. But, that's just my bruised ego talking. 

August 2019 has been a good month of self analyzing. 

What did I want to do with myself?

Who did I want to become?

How am I aligned with my higher self? Am I even aligned with her?

How It Started // Hi & Welcome

It was a rough week, year of 2017.
I kept telling myself that things would get better somehow and that I just needed to keep my eyes on the bigger picture.

Not the fact that my parents were fighting again,
not the fact that I was failing a semester and they didn't know (again),
not the fact that I had just lost my job so suddenly,
not the fact that my relationship was on the rocks,
not the fact that I had gained 10 pounds due to stress,
not the fact that rumors were still spreading around about me somehow (how is that even a thing, still? we're adults),
not the fact that i've been rejected 82432422 times,
not the fact that I missed my brother and sister-in-law living at home --

I had to focus on the bigger picture: I am going to graduate, I am going to work in a career that I love, I am going to be surrounded by people who genuinely love me, I am going to rekindle my broken relationship, I am going to move out and live on my own.

"Okay, Miss MIA!"

Yeah yeah, I know I know. I haven't been active in a while. I've been so caught up with school, my new job, and figuring out what to do in order to get my foot in the door towards my career. So many things that I have to update you guys with, though! I've been having really good thoughts about my future & how to finally pursue my dreams.... But i'll let my actions show you guys instead, so lets actually just leave it at that! As for other things, I finally started the semester at Cal State University San Marcos and I actually really, really, really love the campus and the people. I feel way more happier there than how I always felt "stuck" at Miramar. Don't get me wrong, I'll always stay grateful for attending Miramar and all the little things it has taught me but being at CSUSM really makes me feel like I'm actually heading places, if that makes any sense? It's only been 3 weeks and I already met amazing new people, rekindled friendships with a few, and strengthened friendships with currents.

Hey.. It's Me.

Hey.. It's me. I know it's been a while since I posted a blog and i'm genuinely sorry for that! A lot has been going on and with putting in more hours at work, summer ending, school starting, and just wanting 'time to myself', it's been difficult keeping up with this blog. Funny how I call this blog "keeping up with elluh" yet for the past few days, I haven't even been able to keep you guys updated or even keep up with myself! Lol. So.. how am I? Well, for the most part, I am doing extremely well. Im also super stoked for the new school year to begin! Did I ever mention that I'm finally going to a university? I'm finally out of community college, people! (not that there's a rush or anything, it has been a personal goal) God is good & I am happy. Also, i've been feeling genuine love and peace with writing & reading, lately. It's always been a fave but for some reason, at this point in my life, it's more of a "savior" than a "fave".

Motivational Monday?

They say Mondays are the worst... but I disagree. In my past life, I used to dread Mondays and I would always wake up refusing to start the day that I have in front of me but in today's world, I believe that Mondays = the BEST day of the week. It's all about perspective, baby! I know most of you hate Mondays and can't wait till the weekend comes, right? Because trust me, I've been there & I felt that.. but lets take that energy and turn it into something positive, shall we? You're breathing, you're alive and you're blessed. Wake up today ready to charge the new week head on and make the best of it! We only have one life so you might as well live it up, right? Let's see what changes you can make to transform Mondays from something dreadful to something you can be excited about!